Why Coaching for Youth, Parents and Families?

Embracing New Methods for Strengthening Family Resilence

One of the greatest challenges I had so far in blogging is not necessarily what to blog about because there are oodles of things going on in the world of great importance concerning youth development.  However, the “why” questions are most important for me to ask over and over about my coaching practice to stimulate my thought process during the start up phase of this new enterprise?  The “why” to start my coaching practice for youth, parents and families is silently awaiting for me to put a voice to it and to have it so ingrained in me that it oozes from the core my being.  Why? Glad you asked.  If I can answer “why”, then I can collaborate more effectively with others on “how” to design a successful and flourishing coaching practice.  I can invite other professionals and the community at large to participate in sharing their experiences to explore and discover what it takes to develop a powerful coaching framework for strengthening resilience in my community and abroad. In a coaching session with my student advisor Larry Loebig, it became apparently clear that I need to get people enrolled in what I am trying to achieve.  I don’t believe I can do that adequately without knowing the “why” of my practice.  Even if I’m not absolutely sure of the “why” I have to take the risk of not being certain about the “why” until I’ve invested enough time and energy in accepting the help that is there to help me on a universal level.

Why create a coaching practice for youth, parent and families (YPF) and which issues would I focus on in order to re-unite families, and help youth and adults communicate better and make sound value-based decisions?

Why would I use a resiliency coaching framework to strengthen youth, parent and families and what would that look like?

Why are my skills, talents, gifts and knowledge invaluable to the YPF community?

Why is it important to explore coaching on an international level versus limiting myself to serve locally?

POSTING ASSIGNMENT: What “why” questions would you like to explore in order to give your studies here at WISR greater purpose and focus?


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About jillarrington

Jill Arrington was born in the trenches of East Oakland, CA. She was a tall, skinny, and smart girl and selected to attend gifted and talented classes in Oakland Public Schools. Despite her smarts she lived with the challenge of studying in a dysfunctional home with alcoholic parents and was determined tofinish school early even though she was on her way to becoming a single mom at age 17. As an adult she’s survived addictions, unhealthy relationships and mental health challenges. She boldly claims, “I’m nobody’s victim and it’s my ability to keep it real and be transparent that allows me to speak from the heart to move my audience to positive change”. Jill has coached hundreds of women and youth. She uses her “real” life challenges and personal aspects of her life to inspire you to believe in yourself, let go of negative beliefs and create the life you’ve always desired regardless of your circumstances. It is her objective to ensure that you receive the tools and techniques that drive you to positive change. Jill can help you in all areas of your life including taking the first steps to enhance your relationships with self and others, move you to the next level in your career or new business, or helping you get out of that stuck place that you may find yourself in! She’s been there too and knows how difficult taking the first step to change is. Speaking came natural for Jill. Her speaking experience started when she became a member of Toastmaster’s International as a 7th grader, a mandatory part of the Gifted and Talented Program at Elmhurst Jr. High, Oakland, CA. The first speech she performed was the poem “Ego Trippin’” by Nikki Giovanni. As Jill grew older, she decided she wanted to follow in her Aunt’s (Pastor Yvonne Cole, PhD and foster mother of R&B Singer Keyshia Cole) footsteps as a minister. Bishop T.L. Smith of Laodicea Baptist Church licensed Jill as one of his first young women ministers in the late 80′s. Her call to ministry has always been about helping people who were suffering hardship due to homelessness, drug addiction, lack of access to community resources and broken relationships. Jill says her most rewarding speaking experiences was facilitating Alameda County WorkFirst Temporary Aid to Needy Families (TANF) workshops where she was employed with Women’s Employment Resources Corporation (WERC) as Outreach Coordinator and later was promoted to Assistance Director. “Women learned to support one another as they faced new and difficult territory performing job search. Some of these challenges included having criminal backgrounds, no high school diploma, spousal/partner abuse, being overqualified for jobs due to age and experience, race discrimination, or incomplete college degree programs, and much more”, she states. “Barack Obama is my standard of excellence for becoming an extemporaneous and inspirational speaker and leader in my community,” she says proudly. My business speaks to Obama’s campaign slogan “Change We Can Believe In.” Mrs. Jill Arrington is the proud wife of 4 years to Anthony Arrington, mother of 2 sons Paul Dunn and Edward Milton (Twan) and the proud grandmother of 3 grandchildren Raydience (5), Messiah (4) and Jillohn (1 ½ ) and daughter and caretaker to 80 yr. old father James White. Despite life’s storms like losing everything in a house fire in October 2008, she lives each day with a new zest and fire, creativity, focus and spark for her true purpose and mission to inspire and empower women. By taking on this new enterprise she says, she looks forward to becoming financially independent and giving generously of her time, energy, resources and finances to those who desire and dare to follow their dreams!
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14 Responses to Why Coaching for Youth, Parents and Families?

  1. Some very interesting questions. At some point, I would like to learn more about the “resiliency coaching framework” and how it differs from other approaches. I can imagine, but learning more through illustrations and further details would be helpful for me, and I’m sure, for others, to learn about.

  2. Kim Graves says:

    Jill I find your story very inspiring and genuine. In response to the why? I believe the direct approach has a far greater impact than mass media. If you are willing to pour out your soul, challenges, and success coming from the same place your students are today the why is because it is needed. To many walls and divisions can create a suspicion from the very group you’re seeking to help. In my opinion the more personal the communication the better the response.

    • Hi Kim, great response. I believe that one of the ways to break down the walls is to just go ahead and put myself out there. One of my challenges is that I see that people have already been this for years and they are established and I need to do more…more schooling, more research, more certifications, more volunteering. I agree I need to just do the direct approach, do the work and I will attract the clients who are really wanting to explore their own resiliency and turn their challenges into opportunities and use them for personal growth and development.

  3. I’m reading “Strengthening Family Resilience” by Froma Walsh again. I don’t have the coaching framework yet. I am in the process of reading and reasearching what this framework might look like, what the differences would be, and why it would be important to incorporate this type of framework in my coaching practice. I have several clinicians here at BYA at my disposal. I think it would be good for me to discuss what I’m doing to see if they would be willing to collaborate with me on exploring the “unique” qualities of coaching versus therapy. As I work through what I want to achieve through this model, I’ll have more focus and clarity and will be able to include WISR MFT students to my action research as well. I think it would also be good to look at the trend of therapist who are leaving the field to become coaches or adding coaching training to their professionald development repertoire.

  4. Why is there hate? Why are people and teens discriminated against? Why is one person seen as “better” than another? I have so many “why” questions I would like to explore more at WISR. I am trying to take it one step at a time and write thorough papers and use my blog to help gay teens get through tough times (helpmeimgay.wordpress.com) and focus on doing what I can. I have set up my blog recently to be a resource for gay, questioning or transgender youth. Every little bit counts and I hope I can be of some help.

    • Hi Suzie…why is there so much hate? Great question. I think that it is more than just hate. I think it is an underlying emotion called fear and uncertainty. Most people are afraid of something they don’t understand and are uncertain about what being different may mean to their own personal development. Parents are afraid of their children being “out of the norm”; but it is society who has said what is normal and what isn’t. This is a form of oppression and it has seared the minds of all us. These pinned up emotions lead people to become angry because of their lack of understanding and empathy. I recently took an Anger Management Certified Facilitators Course and it taught us that anger is a learned behavior and can be unlearned if the person is willing to change. Check out this blog on Emotional Intelligence written by George Anderson of Anderson and Anderson Anger Management. Know that your work doesn’t go in vain.

  5. Profile photo of alexmartinez alexmartinez says:

    Why do people engage in behavior that they know is harmful? What drives a person to inject themselves with heroin knowing that many people end up addicted and homeless? According to the model of observational learning by Albert Bandura, people learn from seeing what others do and the consequences of their actions. How does this account for people who engage in self-destructive behaviors, despite them seeing others who have already fallen in too deep?

  6. Jill, I have a couple of younger relatives who are in or will be going into treatment for drug use soon. I’m concerned because of what WISR Student Nasira has said about the abusiveness of treatment programs and am wondering what more we need to know and do about this.

  7. Hi Marilyn, it just depends on which program they are going into. Some programs use “attack” therapy, but I don’t think they are are as abusive as when I was in them some years ago. The purpose of “attack” therapy is really more about having the person move from denial to a place of acceptance of their addiction and how it has affected their lives. It is also a good way to process some of the negative behaviors that have one has instilled through negative family patterns or just getting sucked into “peer” pressure. You can give them the support they need by letting them know that they get out of it, what they put into it and if they feel uncomfortable about anything they should talk to others like myself who have been in many programs. If a program is “truly” abusive and neglecting the needs of the clients, they should talk to a staff person and a adult outside of the program so they can get connected immediately with another program and not get stuck in the same rut of feeling like nothing is going to work. Much love and concern. I’m always here for support if they need to talk to someone.

  8. Profile photo of alexmartinez alexmartinez says:

    My question is not a “why” but a “how”- how can we utilize our resources and skills in the youth development group to actively participate in changing our society? I truly enjoy the collaboration piece, and would love to get some “hands on” work out in the community along with other WISR members. Anyone have any ideas?


  9. Hi Alex,

    I would love to collaborate as I mentioned before; however, we have to narrow down what is that you specifically want to do. Questions to ask yourself:

    What city do I want to volunteer in?

    What is my focus and what organizations will provide me that rewarding volunteer experience I could use toward my work at WISR and on my resume?

    How many volunteer orientations will I attend this month to find out more about the organizations that I’d like to work with?

    How many hours am I willing to commit?

    What days and times am I available and will the organization be able to accommodate my hours?

    I’ll send you a flyer regarding a Motivation The Teen Spirit Workshop on June 4th that you don’t want to miss. They are looking for more youth who can attend for “free”. Ms. Garrett may be able to use your help in recruiting youth for organizations in San Jose and she needs volunteers to help at the workshop. Are you interested? It will be one of the most powerful things you do this year! I guarantee it!

  10. Profile photo of alexmartinez alexmartinez says:

    Unfortunately, I will be out of town the weekend of June 4th for a wedding in Mexico. Let me know of any other opportunities that come up, I would love to be involved!


  11. Okay Alex. Have you taken my questions into consideration and if so, what have you come up with in relation reaching your collaboration goals and aspirations?

  12. Profile photo of alexmartinez alexmartinez says:

    Well, in a perfect world I would like to volunteer on weekends with other WISR students in the East Bay area, focusing on youth issues that we can colllaborate on following each volunteer session. Perhaps, speaking with organizations about some of the issues they are facing, then collaborating on how to help them, then taking action and following up with the organization. But this of course is in a perfect world!


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